Zootopia (2016)

Directed by Byron Howard, Rich Moore and Jared Bush
Written by Way too many people to list… Like seriously, too many people. Come on Disney! Calm Down!
Starring Ginnifer Goodwin, Jason Bateman, Idris Elba and Jenny Slate

In a city of anthropomorphic animals, a fugitive con artist fox and a rookie bunny cop must work together to uncover a conspiracy.

Going into the theater, what I was expecting was a fun, clever and heartwarming story about some animals who think they're people. And that expectation was delivered, as promised. However, what I was not expecting was the blatant, yet incredibly important social commentary about prejudices and mob mentality.

"Zootopia" proved to be a more meaningful family film than anticipated. It is quite possibly the most vital animated film in history. It is more than just a self-confidence building film that Disney is mostly known for. It is about more than just accepting yourself. It is also about accepting others and not judging people because of their heritage.

The middle act of the film was so intense and topical that it feels as though this is the perfect time for this story to be shared with children. It perfectly mirrors much of the hate being spread right now and I was pleasantly shocked at how mature the themes were. But perhaps I'm over thinking it.

Great thematic elements aside, this film provided me with many laughs and a great couple of hours of entertainment. It is a fun movie that I feel the entire family will enjoy and it is incredibly clever. It is rare that I find a Disney movie lives up to it's hype. I feel most people are blinded by the "magic". But this is one that did not disappoint.

My Rating: 7/10

Deadpool (2016)

Directed by Tim Miller
Written by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, based on characters by Rob Liefeld and Fabian Nicieza
Starring Ryan Reynolds, Morena Baccarin, T.J. Miller and Ed Skrein

Quite understandably the most hyped up movie of any February since "The Passion of the Christ", "Deadpool" once seemed like the on superhero movie that would never be made. A character that revels in the macabre and a well placed dick joke seemed like a sure bust to a industry that kills creativity just to make the sacred PG-13 cut.

But Ryan Reynolds wasn't having it. While I'm sure he'd still deny it (unless he has already admitted and I'm just misinformed), we all know he released that animated footage on the internet. And fan girls and boys squealed at the very notion that there was someone who was even thinking about making a movie.

Cut to February 12th, 2016, and it's finally here.

Ladies….

This movie was exactly as I thought it'd be. Snarky, yet hilarious comments from the films protagonist, mixed with fourth-wall breaks and unforgiving violence. It delivered fully on all fronts and did not disappoint. 

However, despite that R-rating, it still felt produced by Disney. It's hard to explain, but even through it's unique qualities that made it stand out from the rest of the Marvel Universe, it seemed just as formulaic and flat.

Before y'all go and bite my head off, I liked it. I liked it quite a bit. But if I never see it again, I won't be disappointed. It didn't feel as though it would offer anything more from the loyalty of a repeat viewer. And even through the refreshing dialogue from the lovable asshole that is Wade Wilson, I felt as though I had seen it before in all of the other Marvel movies.

Yeah, Yeah… I know, Mr. Pool

This of course is of no fault to the movie or it's filmmakers. I just have lost all interest in Superhero movies since the second Incredible Hulk movie. They all seem the same to me and really don't provide me with any worthwhile entertainment. For the 90+ minutes, I remain entertained and locked on the screen. But when I walk away, nothing has changed for me. 

Granted, that's how I feel with most popular movies. I just feel the overall hype around superhero films drains me of any energy that could go into loving them more.

All that being said, go see "Deadpool". I know most of you are more normal than I am and will love it. I'll just join the old people in the next screening of "Macbeth".

What the hell is wrong with me?

My Rating: 6/10

Inside Out (2015)

Directed by Pete Docter and Ronaldo Del Carmen
Written by Pete Docter, Ronaldo Del Carmen, Meg LeFauve and Josh Cooley
Starring Amy Poehler, Phyllis Smith, Bill Hader, Lewis Black, Mindy Kaling and Richard Kind

After young Riley is uprooted from her Midwest life and moved to San Francisco, her emotions - Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust and Sadness - conflict on how best to navigate a new city, house and school.

Welp… Pixar has done it again! After being forced to make several sequels with entertaining, but less emotional stories with important life lessons, they created a film that is as beautiful as it is funny.

Perfectly casted and brilliantly performed, the five emotions of the protagonists mind blend so well together, you almost forget that they represent polar opposite feelings.

The animator/performers perfectly captured the mannerisms of Lewis Black and the exaggerated mannerisms of Phyllis Smith to the point that it was easy to forget that these were artistic computer renderings. In a world where cheap, quick and cartoony computer generated images are the norm, "Inside Out" felt so real.

There is so much I would like to say about this film, but that would involve spoilers. But one thing is absolutely certain and that is the fact that Pixar is finally back to creating original, heart warming, heart breaking, fun, emotional roller coaster movies. And that brings me nothing but excitement.

My Rating: 9/10

Tomorrowland (2015)

Directed by Brad Bird
Written by Damon Lindelof and Brad Bird & Jeff Jensen
Starring George Clooney, Britt Robertson, Raffey Cassidy and Hugh Laurie

Bound by a shared destiny, a teen bursting with scientific curiosity and a former boy-genius inventor embark on a mission to unearth the secrets of a place somewhere in time and space that exists in their collective memory.

From the very beginning, it is painfully obvious that this film was created for the purpose is selling tickets to Disney World/Land. It felt as though Brad Bird was forced to remind people that this was in fact a Disney movie continuously throughout. Because of this, it was often hard to watch.

Regardless of it's forceful advertising, much of it was fun and even humorous at certain points. Particularly the actress who played the Casey Newton had superb comedic timing and had a great rapport with George Clooney.

The inventions and visions of the future weren't particularly impressive. Everything was either just an improvement of a device already in existence, or just so unbelievable that even in my wildest dreams, I feel would be impossible. It didn't inspire me as I'm sure was the intention. Rather, it made me role my eyes in disbelief. Or at the very most, say "that'd be cool if it were possible".

There is no way a metropolis would be surrounded by that much wheat.

Regardless of all of the problems I had with it, I did enjoy it. I'd probably even see it again if a friend of mine wanted to go. I just felt like the message of "hope fixes all" was a bit forced and very painfully Disney. Perhaps I'm too cynical. But I just couldn't handle the cheese!

My Rating: 6/10

Disney and It's Fall from Grace

The following statement might cause me to lose a lot of things. It will certainly cause me to lose some friends. It may cause me to lose my family. But it will not cause me to lose my dignity. When you have something to say, it is more harmful to keep it inside and regret never saying it than it is just to blurt it out and deal with the repercussions. So here it goes…

I don't love Disney.

OH, SHIT!

Hear me out, Flynn and Pascal!

I don't HATE Disney. They have made some fantastic movies-- Movies I grew up with! I will always love "The Lion King", "Beauty and the Beast", "Peter Pan" and many others. But I've grown skeptical of everything they make now. They used to be groundbreaking! They used to take risks! They used to make Hollywood better! But not anymore.

With the purchase of Marvel, Lucasfilm, Pixar and several other big-name companies in the film industry, it would be foolish to think that Disney doesn't run the majority of film making in the United States. Hell, they're the Alexander the Great of movie studios. It's only a matter of time before they own damn near everything.

But that's not why I've lost faith in them. I couldn't care less if they owned everything in Hollywood. My problem with them is that they've lost their creative touch. And very few people have noticed, because in their eyes, as long as there is still an over-crowded amusement park in two of the hottest, uncomfortable locations in the United States that they can walk around from ride to ride and wait in line for two hours for a two minute attraction and use the excuse that they're on vacation to completely forget their manners and be rude to one another, they don't care.

Not Pictured: Countless trampled bodies and a flood of children's tears.

When I say they have lost their creative touch, I mean that they have become too safe. They only care about films that will make money, rather than creating great content that will become classics. They're making a "Toy Story 4" for crepe's sake (yes, crepe was intentional)! IS NOTHING SACRED?!

Name the last, truly mind blowing movie that Disney has made. One that A) Was not a sequel or spin-off, and B) A movie you will not forget for years to come. If you said "Frozen", you're wrong and I will get to why later. If you answered "Up", you are correct!

"Up" was the last film Disney made to take risks. It tackled very sensitive topics such as love, infertility,  grief, death, aging, mortality, eviction and the sadness that comes with being forced into a retirement home. And that was just the first ten minutes!

Sure, 2009 really wasn't that long ago. But when you release as many films per year as Disney does, you have to wonder when they'll start making good ones again. They have become too soft. I thought they would redeem themselves with "Maleficent", but that just became another example of how they are too afraid to take risks anymore.

The riskiest moves they made in this movie were her cheek bones.

They took what is debatably, yet still widely considered Disney's best villain and made her into a hero! I get what they were trying to do with the whole change of perspective thing. But in "Sleeping Beauty", Maleficent was unequivocally evil. You essentially took a villain that people loved to loathe and made her into an allegory as to why we shouldn't be so quick to judge Hitler.

OK, I realize that's a bit of a stretch. But come on! You can make a movie about a villain and still humanize them! They did it with Hitler after all! I'm sorry I keep bringing up Hitler, but it's just so easy.

This was lazy, simple storytelling designed to look deep and thought provoking. But really, it's just showing kids that that guy who is offering them candy to get into their van may have just had his wings stolen by your Dad and just wants to get them back.

Speaking of films designed to seem like something their not:

"Frozen", the film that kids love and parents used to love but now hate. When it first came out, everyone talked about how empowering it was to women. How Elsa just wanted to be who she was and Anna, through terribly written lyrics found out she doesn't need a man to help her with anything…

Except she definitely does.

Anna was getting nowhere until Kristoff came by to save the day. Then Disney did what they do best, and had two people who barely know each other fall in love… AFTER THEY JUST MADE FUN OF THEMSELVES FOR ALWAYS DOING THAT A FEW MINUTES PRIOR!

How am I the only one to see the hypocrisy in that? They essentially promised us they were going to break from their normal plot formula and then proceeded to use their normal plot formula. HOW IS THIS NOT INFURIATING PEOPLE!? It's essentially calling out it's audience for being too dumb to realize what's going on. And apparently, they're right. So more power to them I guess.

Of course, this whole article is subjective. These are just the ramblings of someone who watches a lot of movies and is tired of seeing the same movie over and over again with different titles. But more than that, I'm upset that Disney has become too safe for their own good.

They used to have amazing, heart wrenching death scenes of major characters.

They used to talk about life.

They used to teach us important lessons.

And they used to give us hope.

I know it comes off as if I'm saying you can't love these movies and you can't blindly love Disney. If that makes you happy and these movies bring you joy, that's great. I only write these incoherent rantings because I have noticed a change in the way Disney makes movies.

Disney has straight up told Pixar they need to make more sequels than they do original, stand-alone films. I understand why they did it. But I just can't stand it. There was a time when Disney sequels were straight-to-DVD side projects. And I miss those days.

Since 2009,  there are only four worth while movies created by Disney. You'd think that almost one a year is great until I tell you that they have made 65 movies since then. Disney has really fallen from grace.

But that's just my opinion… Perhaps my memory of Disney as a child overshadows the reality of it's mediocrity.

I do have high hopes for "Inside Out", though!

Cinderella/Frozen Fever (2015)

Good news! You guys get a twofer today! Sure, the first part is for a short film, but there you go!

Frozen Fever
Directed by Chris Buck and Jennifer Lee
Starring Kristin Bell, Idina Menzel, Jonathan Groff and Josh Gad

On Ana's birthday, Kristoff and Elsa are determined to give her the best celebration ever, but Elsa's icy powers may be putting the party at risk!!!!!!

Ugh… UGH… UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!! I didn't think it was possible, but this is actually more cringe worthy of the original feature. With terrible lyrics and dumb ass situations that could be avoided with honesty and communication, this is five to ten minutes of torture. Not even Olaf provided the comedic relief to make me not want to stab myself in the ears and gouge my eyes out.

-1,000,000/10 (Yes, that's a negative)

Speaking of gouging eyes out.


Cinderella
Directed by Kenneth Branagh
Written by Chris Weitz
Starring Lily James, Cate Blanchett, Richard Madden and Helena Bonham Carter

When her father unexpectedly passes away, young Ella finds herself at the mercy of her Stepmother and her daughters. Never one to give up hope, Ella's fortunes begin to change after meeting a dashing stranger.

Even as a child, I was never a fan of this story (unless it included severed toes and gouged out eyes like the German original). Cinderella became a victim of her own kindness and never stood up for herself. And only when she won the heart of a Prince did she see a glimmer of hope to escape her own personal, self inflicted hell. I don't like this phrase because it insinuates that women can't be strong, but there's no other way to put it-- Cinderella needs to grow some balls.

The problems I have with this movie aren't this individual films fault. It's the source material. Disney has made a story about a kind woman getting her rewards and evil people getting what they had coming all along and turned it into a story in which a woman needs a man to truly be happy. By simply taking out the violent parts, the message changes completely.

It makes the titular character seem weak and unable to stand up for herself. She takes any and all crap that her stepmother and sisters dish out to her without having even the slightest bit of attitude. This girl has no self worth, whatsoever. If anything, this story is the reason curse words are so popular now. She should have just told them off the entire movie.

Not Picture: Cinderella giving her Stepmother the finger

with her right hand.

Possibly the most irritating thing about this story (not just the movie) is that Cinderella doesn't care if the Prince marries her or not. Sure, she loves him, but she understands there is order in who Royals marry. Yet, she refuses to tell him any information because she doesn't want the Prince to know she is just a servant girl. Because of this, we are dragged through another forty-five minutes of abuse, because she fails to think logically thus giving us the third act that has become a staple in the fantasies of young girls.

Again, none of these problems are the fault of the director or screenwriter. It is purely Disney who is to blame. In an attempt to make it more family friendly, it became a misogynistic story about how women need men to be truly happy… Sorry ladies, if you want to be happy, you're stuck with us! Disney told me so!

To add any positives to this film, the cinematography and costume designs were vibrant and beautiful. But they were overshadowed by mediocre acting and a story that reminds me of watching soap operas with my Grandma when she came to visit in the summer.

My Rating: 2/10